Hi! I’m Christine Thomas, personal life coach for women, a hopeful, optimistic rebel against the broken systems and cultural prejudices that are doing their best to keep us small, powerless, and self-doubting.
We live in overwhelming times. I don’t have to tell you this, because you feel the pressure of so many changes, so much information, so many things and people that want your attention, so much awesomeness and boring requirements, so much loss of what we care for and so more of what we don’t ever want, so much to worry about or ignore, so freaking many obligations and possibilities – the so much-ness of life, of course, can be overwhelming.
And there are seasons of our lives that require what can often feel like they demand more of us than we want to give. When our children are very young or our parents are very old, when our big dreams are rapidly moving forward or when our work demands are unreasonable, when our spouses are sick or our loved ones are dying – all of these are times where feeling overwhelmed and out of control are understandable parts of the season we’re living through.
There are perfectly good reasons to feel overwhelmed and the powerlessness it can provoke.
As I’ve been fortunate to coach brilliant, strong, brave, wise women for many years, I have reason to be hopeful and optimistic. I know the capacity and power of women to successfully handle the countless demands of our busy lives. We do what must be done, over and over, for our families, communities, and the planet. You do this! You figure things out and make things happen, often just by yourself or with your close crew.
Which is why I said before (and reserve the right to say it again, but not now), “You’ve got this!”
But the Rebel in me now has the microphone and she says:
Quit it!
Quit telling me I’ve got this. Just. Quit. It.
I don’t want it. I don’t want to keep working harder, keep doing more, keep feeling more. I don’t want to have to deal with even one more thing, let alone big, heart-wrenching, freedom-stealing, planet-destroying, life-crushing things. I’m over-loaded already.
I don’t want to hear one more “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” or “this too shall pass,” or “you were made for these times,” or any other simplistic phrases that attempt to encourage and uplift me, but instead somehow stir the fire of my fury, of our collective fury.
There are plenty of good reasons why we might feel overwhelmed, overloaded, over worked, over stimulated, over committed, or just plain over it – what I call the overs. I’m swimming in the sea of the overs. And I know you get overwhelmed, too.
So, no more smoothing over, making nice, happy encouragement. Yep, you are courageous! You are capable! You are strong!
And, like me, you can also be snarky, angry, blubbery, despondent, exhausted, and over it. You might even be furious, too. You can be as messy and irreverent and unavailable as you want.
You get to have the full range of your feelings, including the ones you’d rather not admit to. It’s our strong hearts – full of so many feelings, so much compassion – that make us powerful and capable and brave.
Ventilation – letting off steam from our inner fires – is a coaching tool that helps us recognize what’s building up inside of us so that we can take useful action to deal with it. It’s more useful and way, way less damaging to our relationships if we use ventilation in non-toxic ways rather than just spewing at other people, but that’s for another day (or coaching with me).
For today, let’s start with simply naming there are tons of reasons for feeling overwhelmed and maybe stuck or powerless. This is a built-in challenge of our current systems and culture (which I could describe in great detail, but you already know these) and with some of the seasons in our lives. Built in means a given part of the territory, not personal towards us.
Feeling overwhelmed might just mean we are paying attention, we are aware, we are empathetic, we are present to what is, and we care deeply for more than ourselves.
The key message here is: Being overwhelmed is not a character flaw. It does not mean we are weak or not up to the task or not smart enough or not any of the “not enough” lies.
We are not broken and the rebels in each of us will not let us be broken by the broken systems!
So, feel your feelings, stomp your feet, shake your fist, make some good trouble, if you want to. Invite your inner rebel to help you see through the gaslight and maybe your own tears. She’ll help you move towards finding your way to thrive in overwhelming times.
Rebellious questions to get you to your truth can include:
What might be some perfectly good reasons you feel overwhelmed or any of the overs?
What are you just plain over?
Who or what do you want to say, “I quit,” to?
If you let your inner rebel speak to you, what are you afraid she might tell you?
If you could create a snarky message on a T-shirt, what would that be and where would you really like to wear it?
What if you let yourself be over it, rather than overwhelmed by it? What possibilities might that open up for you?
When or where in your life might it be really good for you to be listening to and speaking from your rebel voice?
What about your rebel do you fear? What about her might others fear?
How is your inner rebel wanting to protect you?
Ok. Enough. I’m over this. Keeping it short and sweet I’ll say farewell for now.
Stay tuned for more nuggets of practical feminism and practical magic to support you in your thriving. Or contact me. I’d love to hear from you.