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I am who I am because of the people who have loved me into myself. I feel like a river rock worn smooth by love, the love of grandparents and my parents, of my husband and son, my sister and brother, my extended family of birth, marriage, and choice. In this season of my life I’m feeling particularly aware of the love of my women friends.
In relationship coaching we recognize that people are always dreaming us up. We dream each other up. By that we mean that what we think about a person we are in relationship with, what we are imagining about them, the way we see them, the inner stories we tell about them, the hopes and dreams we have for ourselves and for them – all of how we expect them to be actually shapes them into being that. The same is certainly true for us – we are dreamed up by others, especially those with whom we are in close relationship. Our actions and our choices as well as our dreaming shape each other. We are always shaping each other.
Saying it this way – we dream each other up – might be new to you, but you’ve always known this. That’s why we hold onto some relationships and walk or run away from others. We know in so many subtle or obvious ways how people are perceiving us, what they are imagining we are about, what possibilities or capacities they ascribe to us.
My beloved long-time friends have witnessed me over years, through joy and bone deep sorrow, experienced my strengths, weaknesses, messiness, super bad jokes, ignorance, and so much more – and they still think I’m brilliant, at least most of the time. By their witnessing and holding stories and dreams of me through their love, I am reminded of, and able to be, my true self.
You know this, too. You have beloveds who have seen much of the spectrum of you and choose to dream you up through the eyes of love and respect and acceptance. You do this for them as well.
In chaotic and overwhelming times we definitely need our friends, the ones we can be vulnerable with, we can reveal our true selves to, the ones who remember for us who we really are when we get lost in the fog of crisis, of too many voices telling us what to do, or who to be. Even beyond our friends, we need our extended community that can hold us in positive regard.
Right now, many of my beloveds are facing significant challenges. When we’re in the muck of life shattering stuff, even best intended supporting words can feel more irritating than loving. So, to you, my dear ones, I say I hold your well-being in my heart and my dreaming. I trust your brilliance even when you’re blubbering in a puddle. I love you.
I thank each and every one of my beloveds for the ways you have uplifted and shaped me! I am forever grateful to my women friends for more than words can express. And I’m deeply grateful for my clients who have dreamed me into the coach, the woman, I am today. Thank you!
I challenge you, dear listener, to hold your beloved friends even closer. To waste no time in moving towards the relationships that shape you in uplifting ways, and to let go of the ones that don’t. Be picky about who gets to dream you up. Get off the surface and root deeply in relationships that have room and grace and respect for you, even your vulnerable parts. Shine your love light on your dear friends and wear your shades. Because you know it will be coming right back to you.
I’m Christine Thomas, Personal Life Coach for Women, absolutely devoted to our individual and collective thriving in this gorgeous, chaotic, rapidly changing, still stuck, prejudiced world. This podcast is part of my series offering nuggets of practical feminism and practical magic to support women in overwhelming times.